i always have this fear that when i step on a scale or take a picture that i'll be disappointed because i thought i was skinnier than i really am. tonight, that happened. i wanted to update some of my pictures on here so i could see my progress. only problem is that once i took the pictures in the same outfit i had taken my originals in, i didn't see any real difference. it looked exactly the very same to me. i have been busting my ass for four months now, and to see that it didn't really look all that different on my body, caused some serious mental drama. what should i be doing differently? i know for a fact i could be more strict on food choices. i eat healthy usually tho, and am always within or below my calorie limit. so what else can i do? i feel like all my confidence and excitement have, at least for the moment, gone out the window. i even took a few pictures of myself naked just to get a realistic view of myself, and deleted the pictures pronto. am i being too hard on myself? or am i really a disappointment right now? i'm proud of myself for working so hard up to this point. and pushing myself past limits of comfort, but this is one of those road blocks that will knock ya flat on your back. i feel like i just want to sit down and cry. i feel like i'm face to face with exactly what i was afraid of, that busting my butt got me nowhere, and nothing has changed. that the person in the mirror has great potential, but just isn't reaching it. it's that same feeling i've always struggled with in all areas of my life. it's almost a feeling that i'm destined to be mediocre, forever that cute girl but never beautiful, that girl with the pretty face but let's ignore the rest of her. that's not what i want to be! i want to be so much more than the girl with a pretty face and nice personality. i want people to stop in their tracks when they see me because i'm something worth remembering. not just on the outside, but in every aspect. i'm tired of looking in a mirror and feeling invisible, and feeling like everyone else thinks that about me too....

Lara